terça-feira, 14 de abril de 2009

What to do, what to do...

Another short post, I have a board meeting to be at in 15 minutes (my life!!).

I got my check last week and wish someone could have taken a snapshot of my face! I've never seen so much money in one place, and on top of that, in my hands and in my name! That definitely made me really realize that I was hopping on a plane to Japan (for like a 14-hour flight, grumble grumble) and would be spending two months there. Still incredible. The more I talk with people about it, the more unbelievable it seems. And it seems like I'm talking to people more about it, randomly.

I work for the Admissions Office and was on the panel for the Yale Club of NYC Admitted Students Reception that we had last week. I was supposed to talk for 10 minutes about my experience at Yale (womp womp, I got nervous and forgot like half of the things I wanted to say and ended it early, lol). My focus when I talked about academics was about how:
a) Yale gives you crazy variety (my FM year schedule included Medical Spanish, Holocaust Writing, Intro to Computer Engineering, Intro to Cog Sci, Chem, and a Japanese Literature FM Seminar) in terms of classes you can take (one prefrosh is convinced I've taken every single course offered by Yale, lol), and
b) Yale gives you money to pursue your wildest academic dreams (JAPANNNN)

So I talked about how I went to Kyoto last year with my freshman seminar, Genji's World, and then decided to take Intro Japanese though I would be taking Orgo at the same time, and then got the Light Fellowship to return, this time to Tokyo for 2 months. Yay, happy ending! I was really excited about this anecdote, too, because I had been talking to the other student panelist (Michael Losak--absolutely wonderful human being) about how we wanted to focus on our cool factor--we basically wanted to emphasize the absolutely crazy and amazing things we had done at Yale that seem fairly normal to us Yalies but out-of-this-world to prefrosh (and other people). I think I did pretty well on the COOL! scale, if I do say so myself lol.

After the panel, maddd people stopped me to tell how jealous/excited/amazed/intrigued they were about my trip to Japan. It was one of those reflective moments: "Huh. Yeah, this is pretty amazing. And incredible. And unbelievable. And REAL. Oh crap."

Which leads me to the title of "what to do, what to do..." Because my life has been a mess the past two weeks (horrific housing drama + Tech and show for Sabrosura + Tech and show for RB) and will continue to be so for at least another week (Bulldog Days planning/running + Tech and Xplosion! competition for RB), buying plane tickets and actually being proactive about things relating to the trip have been pushed to the side momentarily. Especially since I don't know what to do! I want to stay in Japan after the program, and I know that at least I want to return to Kyoto (will always have a special place in my heart for Kyoto...) but how, for how long, with whom, etc.....all up in the air. Argh.

And the thing is, this is slightly stressing me out because I haven't dealt with it. When things scare me, I tend to ignore them, that childish "if I don't see it, maybe it won't see me, maybe it'll go away." Ohhhhhhkay. Just like now, I'm sitting in the Branford buttery with "The Way I Are" in the background (more Japanese memories! haha), writing in this blog, right this second. TOO BAD was written all over my suitemate Liz's face when she was asked me, "Wait, don't you have a Japanese test tomorrow...?" Yes, but I'm doing that hiding-from-it thing again. BAD IDEA, I know. Just like how I should have booked plane tickets days ago, taken out some time to do it. I guess the thought of maybe traveling Japan on my own, armed with only Lonely Planet and a language in which I'm shaky at best is just a little more terrifying than it is exciting.

Here's to hoping for that Japanese hospitality.

quinta-feira, 26 de março de 2009

Transition into Japan mode!

Heyllooo.

I have 48573845 things to do in the next hour, so I'll make this short.

I am a Richard U. Light Fellow, going to Tokyo, Japan in the summer of 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As most of you know, as part of the fellowship, we have to keep a record of our time abroad, either through blog or through an end-of-semester report. I already had a (admittingly not very well-kept) blog from my summer in Brasil last year, so instead of making a separate Tokyo one, I decided to stay with this one. I love the ability to not only check back my posts from a year ago but also better compare Brasil to Tokyo, as I would do in my head anyway without even trying. Aaaaaand I love the continuity of travel in my Yale career, lol.

The world's ours to explore and make better =]

PS My picture is from my freshman seminar's trip last May to Kyoto. We be representinnn Yale in all zip codes, yo.

domingo, 1 de fevereiro de 2009

Memories-Inspired Musings

Harkness played both Beauty and the Beast AND the Super Mario Theme 20 minutes ago. It was one of those, "What more could I possibly ask for?" moments, haha.

And that, coupled with the fact that I was having a discussion with Liz about Autism (it was a much broader topic, but one of the components was Autism) and therefore came back to look at this sadly forgotten blog, got me thinking.

A few days ago, someone who I had not spoken to in roughly 4 or 5 years facebook messaged me. He used to go to my dojo (karate school), and I think I taught him at one point, too. He's is now a freshman at BU and loves it. He messaged me to ask how I was and how Yale was treating me, which is standard I-haven't-spoken-to-this-person-in-years-so-I-will-ask-general-questions-about-their-life. But then he added something else.

"have an interesting q for you, what do you feel is close to your heart?"

...Ummm, what? Whoa there, that's totally deviating from social norms for what you can or can't ask/say to people after a prolonged silence like that. Notttttt okay. Hmm. He must be being really deep. It would be rude to ignore the question, since he clearly thought it out. So now I must think about it.

I answered him and our conversation has continued accordingly.

"the people that make my life what it is"

I know, I know! You're probably saying *cough*COP-OUT*cough*. But so many other things ran through my head as a possible response to that out-of-the-blue question, and none of them clicked. They seemed contrived, as if I were to be a good girl and reply with "my family". But that's not entirely true for me because I don't have much of one (can I just insert the phrase "decent-sized family" here?? thanks. LOL).

I tried thinking of things. Karate? Yeah, karate! ...Wait...You mean the sport and way of life that was my life until Yale? Where it no longer is my life anymore? That doesn't seem right. That one little spot closest to your heart, surrounded by veins and arteries pumping your blood, your escence of life, has to be filled with something good. I love karate, and I enjoyed doing it for so many years. I met some of the greatest people I ever have met, and made friends all over. I loved every second of it while I was focused on it. And I miss it now, even as I do so much with my life that it prompts others to routinely remark, "Hey Allie, why don't you try getting into this, it'd be rea-...oh wait, like you don't have enough to do already," haha.

So then how do I answer?? Maybe if I close my eyes, something will come to me. I also run the risk of Liz sneaking up on me and reprimanding good-naturedly me for writing in my blog instead of studying for Japanese (I have a Kanji Test tomorrow that will test me on 115 chararcters...o meu deu...), lol. Wait! That's it! Isn't that what I always say: I love our suite, I love RB, I love prefrosh, I love my Junta, I love you??

I love people.

More specifically, I love the people who make my life what it is. Because the people in my life make me think, challenge me, oppose my views, support me, cheer me on, wait for me, pull me up, make me laugh, make me laugh so hard I cry, make me cry, hug me, care about me, care enough to confide in me, love me.

They have shaped this Allie figure into someone who strives to make all these people proud, becoming a better person in many aspects in the process.

And in return, they make me happy =]

So I guess Harkness's renditions of Beauty and the Beast + the Super Mario Theme + someone to tell this to = happyness.

quinta-feira, 24 de julho de 2008

Scales Suck.

I made a realization today.



...



I was destined for greatness.



You would think that that statement would be accompanied by a smug recollection of all the times baby Allie completed a Rubik's cube or answered the Double Jeopardy question correctly. But no. I say that with a bit of disappointment in my voice, a sad lag in my typing.



For that, there's a two-fold reason:



First of all, I've grown very accustomed to the idea of being a Super Latina, growing up with nothing, doing my best, beating the odds, and striving for many years, until finally reaching my goal of Yale. I was just one of many like me, whether that be a Latina, or a person of color, or growing up in a single-parent household, or being told too many times that mommy couldn't afford that, or being the first of my family to make it to college. I imagine myself coming back to New York, to Queens, to Woodside, and being like, "You see?? You can do it, too!" In a way, I've already started, getting on every younger person I know when they doubt anything about their future. Semilla de la Excellencia Colombiana? A way for me to tell the entire Colombian community of NY that college, and in particular an Ivy League education, is feasible, doable, within reach! It's always been, "If I can do it, so can you."



But what if the playing field wasn't level to begin with? It's not that I discovered I've actually been wealthy this entire time (pfft). I sat down to debate with Shanah over what makes US different from all the other people in the same exact situations. Why we're where we are in life. And it came down to DRIVE. So now you're saying, of course, that's obvious. But I've always supposed you can will yourself to care about things. You can make yourself attribute importance to certain things because you're looking ahead and know you have to get stuff done in order to get where you want to be. You can develop habits of excellence if prompted by yourself or others.



But the difference between me and them, "success" and not, is the strength of the drive and willpower we're born with. Imagine a scale, 1 to 10. The average person, be they rich or poor, White or Brown, settles in at a 5. You, my friends, are most likely 10's. There are PLENTY of people with (a) parent(s) just as supportive as I had, with the same opportunities (or, rather, lack thereof) that I had, growing up in the same surroundings, being influenced by the same media and being fed the same ideas, that are just not where I am right now. Why? I am a 10, and looking back, I've always been a 10.



Score one for genetics in this never-ending battle of Nature VS Nurture.



Which brings me back to: I was destined for greatness. I feel like this takes away from my accomplishments slightly. I feel like the rich kid whose daddy always gets her out of trouble, who knows that no matter how many screw-ups she makes, she's destined to own daddy's company one day and marry a rich lawyer and buy the penthouse in the city (MY penthouse). I loved the sense of battling it out against the world, this injust world where we don't hear about Yale graduates unless they're the type of powerful family that later controls the entire country, much less Latina Yale graduates. I loved working ridiculously hard, knowing that my goal was to be the first Latina _______, knowing that it could, probability-wise, be ANY of us, but that I was gonna personally make sure that it would be me. But if I entered this world, ready and willing to fight, the number 10 unknowingly prominent on my list of traits, then I didn't start off like everyone else. And if everyone else starts off and remains a 5, a 3, or even a 1, then how can I relate?



Which leads me to point number two. How can I convince other people to "follow in my footsteps" if I KNOW that I have something that they might possibly never be able to cultivate? How can I convince a 4 they can become a 10? Should I even be trying to do that? Or am I expecting too much of people that don't even aspire to the things we do? Many are content with different, though not necessarily inferior, embodiments of success. I want to push students to continue, to aim high, to dream in the possibility of greatness, of my idea of success. But if they're not an upper-scale number already...



How do I make someone care?

quarta-feira, 16 de julho de 2008

The Good and the Bad. I don't deal with that Ugly stuff. =P

Ok, sorry in advance, this is gonna be a small and obnoxious post.

I had a dinner of crab yesterday, for the first time ever. FOR THREE REAIS A CRAB. THREE. REAIS. That's not even USD$2. =O

And now for the bad news.

...

...

My camera broke. Please mourn with me. Thank you.

<33

PS Heading tomorrow (finally) to Pipa Beach! Gonna steal Shanah's camera/pictures =)

PPS I have pictures of my kids up on facebook!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2003591&l=ecd95&id=1363560260

terça-feira, 15 de julho de 2008

Not Precisely On Topic...

Hey loves!

Ok, so I haven't updated in a while, sorry! I've been using more of my free time for other things, like filling up my Japanese Kana Workbook (I learned all my Hiragana! Now on to Katakana haha). And of course I've also been seeing a bunch of things and a bunch of people =)

So first off, here's a link to my facebook pictures (I know you guys are lazy haha), in the hopes that they'll tide you over until my next, real post.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2003516&l=210b4&id=1363560260

and

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2003587&l=86447&id=1363560260

Now for the reason I'm even bugging you guys. I'm in the house, just chilling until lunch, so I decided to change my desktop background because I just talked to Chloe and I realized how much I missed her and my other suities! So naturally, I had to look through my entire "Vandylove" photo album on my computer. And then my "La Casa = Love" one, too.

And I could not stop smiling. I'm a complete camera whore--I love being in pictures, but I love taking them, too. Some people think it's annnoying or excessive, but pictures are the way I remember specific events or emotions. I have the customary oooh-let's-get-together-and-pose pictures, and the typical for-posterity's (and my Alianza Historian duty's, haha) sake pictures, but I also have tons of candid, i-didn't-realize-anyone-was-taking-a-picture-so-i'm-not-self-conscious-about-how-my-face-looks-when-i-bust-out-laughing pictures. And those are the very best kind.

I can't stop gushing about how I excited I am about returning to Yale in the fall. I almost wish it were right now! Don't get me wrong, I love Brasil, I just love Yale more than anything anything anything. It's times like these (which are on a almost-daily basis sometimes) when I realize how lucky I am. I've always been extremely lucky and blessed, but this time...it's Yale, man. And I'm so glad to say that I haven't gotten jaded or lost any of that pure love for my dream school. I'd say that's mainly because the people I've met there remind me everyday how lucky I am to know them. =D

I love you guys SOSOSOSOSO much!!!!!



quarta-feira, 2 de julho de 2008

Yale Name = Limelight for Good

Helloooo my loves! I'm sorry about the lack of updates, this week has been veryyy busy. I've come to the realization that I don't know how people have 9 to 5 jobs and EVER have time for ANYTHING after work! I'm not 9 to 5 and I'm certainly not in an office somewhere, but still.

I'll give you a quick overview of the work we've done so far. And after tomorrow hopefully I'll have pictures to put up of the UNBELIEVABLY ADORABLE kids =D

First off, in a conversation with Shanah, I realized I am not in love with little kids. As in, I don't love all kids (or babies) unconditionally, the way most people do (and the way I love dogs lol). I taught at (and later ran) my karate dojo for 5 years, so I know it's not that I don't like children. I absolutely LOVED my kids--I would talk to anyone who would listen about Jonathan's latest antics (the kid is such a smart-ass haha), or how Fahim once told me, with the air of someone explaining 2+2 =4 to someone, that I was "SuperWoman" because I could fix anything. That's just it--they were mine. Once I get to know kids, I go crazy about them. Hence why I'm having such a good time at Cre-Ser =)

This Colonia de Ferias is a two-week long summer camp for Autistic children. The first session started this past Monday and is for kids between the ages of 2 and 7. The next starts when this one ends and is for kids age 8 to 14. We have 11 (soon to be 12, I think) kids enrolled in the camp, which allows most of the kids to have two interns each, who are from the local university, all majoring in things like Nutrition, Psychology, Physiotherapy, etc. Three of the kids are not Autistic; they are siblings of other kids enrolled in the camp. They are split up into three rooms based on color (YEAH, GREEN) and work on a series of activities with them, such as educational games, arts, sports, social interactions (trying to get them to play together can be hard haha), and other stimulating activities. The kid that I was assigned happens to be one of the few "normal" ones (once again, don't go PC on my ass)--his name is Carlos Vinicius. He's 6, really talkative, and has a great imagination. I really really like my kid, he just doesn't require the attention that the other kids, especially in the green room, need. The professionals at Cre-Ser said that they wanted me to experience working with an Autistic child (to which I was like, well, considering I came from the US to Brasil for that, yeah, that would be nice lol) so they told me to move freely around all the children and help and interact as much as I wanted without worrying about who I was assigned to. And by that I mean that Rose, who is the professional in charge of our room, would watch over Vinicius as he draws while I would go settle Gisele's tauntrum and get her to play with numbers instead. It worked out great the past two days, because the other children in my room are Gisele and Pedro Victor, two of the most adorable little kids I've EVER seen.

Gisele (Gee-zeh-lee) is a regular at the center (I'm sorry I switch between saying Cre-Ser and the center, they're the same thing), which she's been attending since it opened in February. She's 4 and she vocalizes (makes noises only she understands) but she's only just starting to form words; today, watching a DVD concert of Xuxa (DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER HER??) singing a song called Tchu Tchu Cao, Gisele sang along when Xuxa said "peludo," which means furry (the song was about a dog). We were stunned! That's like the 4th word in her vocabulary, the others being chi chi (pee), liçensa (com liçensa = excuse me), and cinco (five) hahaha.

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As for Pedro Victor, I could gush about him for DAYS. He's either 3 or 4 and he has the most winning smile I've ever seen. He's really intelligent, can talk pretty well, knows every single animal that roams or has ever roamed this planet, and likes to draw on the dry-erase board. Actually, good luck getting him to stop haha. He draws the same thing over and over again, a circle with two eyes and either a neutral or a sad mouth and then a bunch of squiggles and bigger circles around it: Mamae, or mom. We have yet to understand why the non-happy smile, because he's smiling big all the time, especially when he erases something well by himself and I say "muito bom!" haha. He's like the world's biggest cutie =D

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Vinicius is really intelligent and I'm only worried he's not challenged enough in this atmosphere. Not gonna lie, my heart goes out to him whenever Rose (Hoe-zee) makes the signal for me to leave him and she takes over. She's not a bundle of joy and fun all the time lol. He's actually come to ask for me when I'm not with him because he wants me to play with him or see something or just stay at the table with him =) Awwww my kid is sooo cute!

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Okay, this is was supposed to be a really short post, haha, but I told you, once I start on these kids, I can't stop. Wait until I have pictures, you'll see what I'm talking about.

Until then, I only have this, which explains the whole Colonia de Feria thing (aaaand has a picture of yours truly with Gisele and two other interns), albeit in Portuguese. Put your language skills to the test, Nico! =)

http://www.farn.br/novo/navegacao/noticias/vernoticia.php?id=617


Hope your summers are making you as happy as mine is!

<333allie

PS I LOVE BRANFROSH!